i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm like, not good at living.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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