i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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