please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
