Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This house was built for laser tag.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
