I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
