i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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