I want to have your abortion
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
