You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
