it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
