A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i out mim tonsoeep
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