If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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