Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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