when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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