I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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