Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
