u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
