We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
