I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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