i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
