Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
