And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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