She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
