i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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