One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
