In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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