i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
