No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
