Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
