who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
