have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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