That's intense
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
