I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
