So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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