If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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