OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
