thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
