Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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