I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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