he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
