I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
