the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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