I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
