It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
