You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
