I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
this will be a night to untag.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
