He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
