Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
as a side note pls kill me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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