I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
