I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
