john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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